Chapter 3.21 Time

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Time has no meaning for me anymore. Nothing has any meaning anymore. Nothing matters to me anymore. All I want to do is watch my family in the mirror. Be a part of their lives again. Be ​me ​ again. But just simply watching them isn’t enough for me anymore.

I want to hear my sisters laughing. I want to smell Grandma’s freshly baked cookies. I want to feel the Twinbrook sun on my face as I take Thor out on a ride. I want to play the guitar, or drums, or piano again. I want to be the old me again. The awesome me again. I want that more than anything. Sitting here, seeing my family live their lives without me, is just a painful reminder that what I want isn’t possible.

And that makes me angry. Frustrated. Bitter.

It is too much for me to take. But I can’t look away either. I can’t shut my eyes and turn them off. So I continue to sit here.

How long has it been? Who knows? Who cares?

Time has no meaning for me anymore.

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Author’s Note:

I am not ashamed to admit that I have had personal experience with depression, so I know how it feels. This disease literally cripples you to the point where even basic things like eating, showering, or getting out of bed are too trying to manage.

If you yourself, or maybe someone you know, struggles with this horrible disease, you need to know that you are not alone. There are people who love you, people who care about you. And I am one of those people. You are ​not alone​.

I have added a few links to the bottom that might be helpful to anyone who is struggling with depression, or thoughts of suicide. And if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I am always here.

US National Suicide Prevention Hotline:  1-800-273-8255

Resources to Help with Depression:  (this site has a ton of phone numbers and other sites to help)

https://www.everydayhealth.com/depression/guide/resources/

 

8 thoughts on “Chapter 3.21 Time

  1. I’m glad you are doing better now and thanks for providing links for those that might need it. I’m sure his hurt is exactly how a lot of folks feel especially during this time of year. God Bless and I hope you have a very happy holiday season. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope you had a very Happy holiday, and an even better 2020. 🥳
      No one deserves to go though what Lincoln is going though. But he has spent his entire time in Moonlight Falls being a butt to everyone. I don’t know if he can get out of this state he is in.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. As someone who is currently Going Through It this was a very poignant chapter. “Be me again.” That line in particular – I just miss myself 😦 I know how he feels. Bless him. He needs a good support network right now and a talking mirror just ain’t going to cut it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am sorry to hear that you are going though “It”. Please let me know if you ever need someone to talk to.
      Lincoln definitely needs a good support group right now, but he has been acting like such a jerk that he has pushed everyone away. All except Bert, who literally has no other options but to be there.

      Liked by 1 person

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