Life Update

Screenshot-2056b

It has been far too long since I posted any sort of update to either one of my blogs, and I felt like I should let you all know why. This is a very long story, and if you want to skip all of it (And I don’t blame you if you did) just know that I will be posting again real soon. Well, on with the story.

Not too long ago my father-in-law passed away. Ever since then my mother-in-law has not been processing her grief well. And by that I mean she has not processed anything at all. Think of it like a child throwing an tantrum when they are told to take a nap. They don’t want to do it, so they cry and fight it. My mother-in-law doesn’t want to accept that he is gone, and lives in a state of denial and a sort of tantrum about it. As a result, she is showing severe signs of dementia and early onset of Alzheimer’s. With my father-in-law gone my mother-in-law is in a giant house all by herself. That she never leaves. The neighbors buy her groceries for her, so she has nothing to do by sit in front of the TV all day. My husband is an only child, so he felt like it was his duty to go and help her. In fact, she practically begged us to come and help her. We could live in her huge house, rent free, while we looked for new jobs.

So, that is what we did. We uprooted our lives, moved from Texas to California, to live with her and to help her out. But when we got there, we were in for a rude awakening. The house was a hoarder’s nightmare. There was trash, and junk everywhere. The house wreaked of cat pee & poo. I couldn’t tell you the last time the litter box was cleaned, so her cat went to the bathroom everywhere, and her potties soaked into the carpet and into the tons of boxes that were all over the place.

There is only one working shower in the entire house, and it is in the master bathroom. Asking my mother-in-law to use her shower is like asking her to cut off her right hand. I really could go on and on, but the point is that living with her was not at all what we expected. Still, we made the most of it. We put our stuff in storage, keeping only some clothes and the pet essentials in the small room that used to be my husband’s old room (that small bedroom was the only room in her giant house that we were allowed to use).

But the living condition wasn’t the worst part. It was the way she treated my husband, her only son, that really got to me. At 3 in the morning she would wake us up demanding breakfast. If my husband or I weren’t up right away, she would continue to yell at us calling us horrible names until we got up and breakfast was made. All throughout the day she would say horrible things to him like, “your father never loved you,” or “I never wanted children”, or “you have never amounted to shit in your life and you are only here because you want my money”.

After the longest 5 months of my life, my husband and I knew we had to get out of there. The mother-in-law wasn’t getting better, and we soon came to realize that she doesn’t want to get better. She never listened to the doctor who encouraged her to go to a physical therapist. She wouldn’t take the medication she was prescribed. She wouldn’t listen to my husband or I when we encouraged her to come with us to get out of the house or to eat healthy.

It was not a healthy living environment for us or for our pets. We had to leave, but neither one of us had a job and we were left with very little money (most of it was spent on moving halfway across the country and then on a storage unit for our things). Thank god that my parents don’t live too far away, and they were able to help us out. I was able to find another good job, and we are currently living in Nevada. As for the mother-in-law she is still about the same as she was before we moved in with her. She still calls us leaving horrible messages about how terrible my husband is and how she is not going to leave him any money when she dies. My husband is not a money grubber, it has never been about the inheritance, but the way she treats him still gets me upset. Even as I am typing this I can feel the tears start to well up.

Anyway, thank you for listening to my rant. It feels really therapeutic to have someone to talk to. My husband is going through hell right now, and I try to be brave for him, but it is hard. This post was longer than I intended, so I will close with a very big thank you! Thank you for listening to me, but also thank you for your posts. You couldn’t have realized this, but your updates in my Reader have meant so so much to me. It was the one constant thing in my life when everything else was turning to shit. And it was the one thing that I could look forward to during my day. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you!! ❤ ❤

Advertisements

27 thoughts on “Life Update

  1. I’m sitting here shaking my head. Not for anything in particular that has occurred, but for the fact this has happened to all three of you. My heart goes out to you. Since I am looking after my mother with dementia, I understand everything you have said. It’s heart breaking. The worst kind of stress and anxiety you will ever go through. I know, cause life has been hard for me beyond my own mother. The whole God never gives you anything you can’t handle phrase, really pisses me off these days. The only thing I can say to this is, take care of you first. Put yourself first. I know that probably sounds wrong but after what you have gone thru, you need that right now. Also, your mother in law needs to be assessed by more than a doctor or psychiatrist. She needs an assessment done from whatever organization that takes care of elderly people. They need to determine whether or not she can care for herself and can continue to live at home. It’s time for a home visit by that authority and some frank discussions with them. Find out and make some calls. Best Wishes to all of you. I’m sending you a hug!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much. And I am sorry to hear about your mother as well. If I could reach across the computer to give you a hug I would.
      And thank you so much for saying that I need to take care of myself first. At first I felt really guilty for leaving, and I think that my husband still feels guilty as well. But the situation was bringing out the worst in us too. I knew that we had to get out of there before it ended our marriage (it got that bad).
      She now has a nurse coming by the house twice a week, but I feel like it isn’t enough. Anytime we suggest something, she pushes back. We went as far as contacting an social worker for the elderly, but they take so long to investigate their cases, we haven’t heard anything back yet.
      Thank you for listening. ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Find my email on my about me and you can talk to me anytime. I’m a great source of knowledge and support and don’t be afraid to ask. So many people have helped me so much. Both in RL and here.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing this difficult time with us. I know it’s not easy but I’m hoping writing all of that down helped in a way.

    I second everything Bee said. Also, I’m so sorry you all are going through this.

    Sending you love, virtual hugs and lots of prayers. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so very much.
      Writing everything down has been very therapeutic. After writing it all down, I am able to let it go. Let go of the anger, the sadness, the frustration, the helplessness of it all. And having people like you all who are so very kind and understanding listen to me has helped tremendously.
      Thank you. ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are so welcome. I’m glad it helped to write it down. I know that writing for me a is a compulsion more than something I enjoy and I think it’s because of the therapeutic side of it. 🙂

        Anyway, take care of yourself and keep us updated if you can. We’re here for you. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  3. You have been through hell. I feel so sorry for you and I hope life gets better. Well, it seems it already has for at least you don’t have to live with your mother-in-law anymore. I’m really glad to see you back and as others said, it’s good that you wrote it down because it always helps.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your kindness. Writing down everything is very therapeutic (I highly recommend it).
      We are doing better, and if one good thing can come from this it is that the relationship between my husband & I has grown stronger.
      Plus, I do need to say a thank you to you as well. You have no idea how important your Saturday posts had become. They were a much needed escape from reality. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My heart goes out to you. ❤️❤️❤️ I am glad you were able to make the decision to leave. Please take care of yourself and your husband. He needs you now and I’m sure you need him as well. Now is the time to lean on each other. You both have been uprooted so I’m sure it’s difficult.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your words of encouragement. At first we felt like we were being selfish by leaving, but that living environment was just too toxic. And hearing you all say that we did the right thing makes me feel better.
      It’s funny, that the one positive thing to come out of this is that our relationship (my husband & I) has gotten stronger.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. You were completely right to get out of there – sometimes, people just cannot be helped and it’s important to remember not to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Take good care of each other. I’m sending you warm thoughts and hope you can eventually heal from all this 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  6. My heart goes out to you! ❤ ❤ I can't possibly imagine what you have been going through, but I really hope that life will get better for you and your husband! You are such a sweet person who deserves the best in life and, as as others said, it was the best decision that you decided to take care of you and your husband first. Sending you my virtual hugs and I hope that everything will get better from now on ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. All of these sweet supportive words of encouragement are going to make me cry.
      Things are getting better. Even the pets feel better.
      I just can’t say enough nice thank you’s to the entire community.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. You made the right decision. Living with a dementia/Alzheimer patient is really hard without health professionals around. She will need proper professional care at this point, judging by the things you shared. I’m happy to know you are getting hold of your life again! Think of all this as a way to reinforce the bonds between you and your husband. Take care ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. So sorry to hear that you’ve been going through something like this. My heart goes out to you and your family ❤
    I also have a relative with the same condition and it's not easy for anyone, and having to change to a new environment must've added to what was already something difficult for you guys.
    You and your husband are lucky to have one another~ It's important to make sure you are both in a good place physically and mentally first and foremost; you've made the best decision you could and it's totally understandable!
    Sending you love and well wishes that everything will continue to get better ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m so sorry you have to go through this, but I think it’s so good you’ve removed yourselves from the situation as much as you can. Too many people let their guilt make them stay, and it has its consequences. Life is too short to sacrifice a lot of time to take care of someone who makes your life hell and isn’t grateful. I guess that sounds selfish but you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others. If you ever want to chat, I have discord if you have that at all, or through tumblr IMs 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Honestly, everyone’s support has been overwhelming, but in a good way.
      I appreciate you offering to chat. I might take you up on that. You are just too kind. Thank you.
      ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

      Like

  10. OHHH I am soo sorry to read this! I do think that when a spouse, who has been married for a long time, loses their partner it does fracture them!! It is sad that she has chosen to take this out on you two 😦 She needs to find a good counselor!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. This is also the same reason why I had to drop off the modeling comps for a while.
      Her general doctor recommended that she see a psychologist, but it was in one ear and out the other. She doesn’t always take her meds either. That was when my husband & I knew that there was really nothing we could do to help her. We had to help ourselves first.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope she gets better and your family reconciles soon .. that can be so hard because good or bad your mom is always your mom ❤ So hope she gets the help she needs!

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s